Archive for the unhelpful negative thinking Category

OUR INNER CRITIC IS A LIAR

Posted in unhelpful negative thinking with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2013 by Karen unrue
The West End. London theatre land.

The West End. London theatre land.

An actress
has just
performed
her heart out.
Opening night
in a west end show.
She was
great, and
received
a standing ovation
from
the filled auditorium.

ovation460

The morning papers
come out.
The whole cast
has stayed up
all night
to read what
the critics
have to say.
They nervously
open the papers
to the
relevant page.

newspapers

As she reads
she sees
that
nine out of ten
critics
state she was
wonderful ,
“Miss Sinclair
brought the role to life
and made it her own.”
One critic
is disparaging
“miss Sinclair
lacked the lustre
the role required.”

SHE IS DEVASTATED.

Woman-grief-painting-640x480

No matter
how much the others
point out
that nine out of ten
good reviews
is terrific
and tell her to
pay no heed
to the idiot
who said
negative things,
all she can think about
is
the negative,
the critical
the disappointed
voice.

negative words sheet

WHY DO WE DO THAT? ALL OF US DO IT!

There is something in each of us, for some reason, that more readily believes the negative thoughts that come at us and fill our heads than the positive ones that get spoken as well.
It’s because we tend to already have distorted perspectives about ourselves and we cherry pick the thoughts that most easily fit in with them.
The negative thoughts are easier for us to believe!!!

BUT MOST NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ARE LIARS.

Even though we are convinced that they are valid most of the negative thoughts that make us feel bad are:-

DISTORTED AND UNREALISTIC

IMG_3445

They are the blah, blah, blah that fill our heads automatically from what we have been conditioned to believe about ourselves.

For those of you who have begun to write down some of your negative self-talk as you have become aware of it– here are some of the distorted thinking patterns they will fit into. See if you recognise any of these in your negative thoughts.

CATASTROPHISING

This is when we take something and blow it all out of proportion.
We make it bigger in our minds that it should be and then usually use the
thought to hammer ourselves with.

“I forgot to invite Emily to my daughters birthday party – OH NO – now her mother will think I’m horrible and won’t speak to me in the playground when I pick the kids up. OH God I bet she’ll even turn the other mums against me. I will have to get someone else to pick up the kids – I cant show my there face again. How could I have done that I’M SO STUPID, SO THOUGHTLESS, SO USELESS.”

painting by Guillame Le Tual

painting by Guillame Le Tual

MIND READING.

This is when we assume we know what others are thinking.

“I can’t go to my husband’s work “DO” because I know that all the other wives look down on me. I know they don’t think I’m good enough for Mike.”

crystal ball

NEGATIVE FILTERING

This is when no matter how well something might be going WE will filter out the positive things and see only the negative.

“was’nt that a great evening. The food was delicious and the music was great.”
we say,
“yes darling but why did it have to be outside? It gets so cold in the evenings this time of year, and did you notice that neither Rose nor Mary spoke more than two words to me the whole evening.”

confectioners-sugar-being-sprinkled-with-a-sifter

BLACK AND WHITE THINKING

This is when we take everything to the extreme. It tends to make us hard on ourselves and come to some harsh assumptions.

“I am ALWAYS the one who ends up washing coffee cups after church. NO ONE EVER helps out. I am FOREVER taken for granted. I am NEVER appreciated.”

BIAS AGAINST YOURSELF

This is when we fail to see the good in ourselves, even when others do, and we focus instead on the negative.

“Thanks for coming shopping with me and helping me choose an outfit for the wedding. You have a really good eye for colours and what things go together well.”
We say,
“Don’t be silly, no I don’t, I just know what you like”

These are just a few of the negative thinking patterns that hinder our enjoyment of life.

Now that we are becoming more aware of what they are we will look at how we can challenge them and exchange them for more rational and positive thinking.

dont listen to negative words

Do you recognise any of them in your own thinking?
How have they prevented you from enjoying life more?

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